S: Dancing Stage

The thought never crossed my mind

That darkness was so close in time

With the distance, seemingly far

No pressure, left the door ajar

Now here is rage

Slowly taking

Away, the calm tide

Not that there wasn’t any difficulty

However, there were the blind

Oblivious to the world

It seem so peaceful before

And now presenting

Darkness at the center floor

Blindly taking any opportunity, to get away

Guidance, where have you been?

The path keep splitting and time seems to fade

What day is it?

Another month passing through the days

In the night, no true darkness shows its might

Only in pure daylight

With fear and anxiety to take at hand

Hold your breath, the feeling is similar to the ocean waves

Don’t take it all in, spread out the thoughts that cloud your mind

Otherwise, the darkness will devour what little clarity stands left in your bright light

-

Written 1.20.2016

14 - 100 

S: Restless

 There’s tension in my soul

 I feel it losing control

 And all I can do is ignore

 My heart it’s beating

 Not fast, not slow

 But I feel it tugging, keeping a hold

 Of what’s left

 Of this soul

 Questions arise

 For the depth of unknown

 And I don’t know what I’m supposed to do

 I close my eyes, thinking that I’ll grasp it for you

 Not only, are you in my life

 But now I’m slowly starting to realize that I

 Don’t want to lose you

 The old way that I was, picture it

 What I had been, better for it to fit

 My old habits, but this one is part of my personality

 Why can’t I loosen this tentious part of me?

 

 Listening to my own heart beat

 Hearing the music in the background

 My thoughts aren’t clear

 I need clarity

 When I close my eyes, I imagine

 Being connected, and now?

 I don’t feel a thing but I know it’s there

 And it makes me sad to think

 Future. Please define thee

 Surprise me sure, don’t kill me

 Everyone knows the ending

 And the beginning is simple

 But innocence

 Has gone to waste

 After all this time

 And in between are questions we seeks answers to

 Until then, the five w’s

 Swirl among my head

 I laid down today

 Needless to say- I didn’t like what my mind had to say

 Are you losing yourself?

 How long till then?

 Remember when?

 Are those tears I feel?

 How often?

 Who cares?

 What will you do?

 Where are you going?

 When will you do what you want to do, when will go where you want to go.

 Why anything?!

 I don’t know.

 It’s the murky waters of my soul

 I feel it slipping, away

 Rest in the peace of yesterday. 

- 

Written 12.4.15 

13 - 100

S: Your Worth

There will be days that I won’t have your touch

No matter, your love is deep within

Distance will grow only physically between us

Because there is nothing that will stop me from loving you

Don’t ever believe that I’ve forgotten

About the love that you’ve given to me

Somehow, we fell in love

It was a chance and one that was worth taking

As a choice we continue to love one another

Little act by little action we show each other

That our love is true, known by more than our eyes

Live without me, because I’ll always be there

Support is something I will not give up

Due to the love that holds us together, we will never break apart

Despite a lack of an official relationship

With or without terms, these matter none

For we live knowing of our love

Until we see each other again

Never allow anyone to get you to believe

In a falsification about me

Love, isn’t the only aspect that has kept us together

Trust, Admiration- So much more

So remember who will always love you outside of family

Deep down, if anyone tries to make you believe that you’re less

You’re not, because you’re worth more than two years to me  

-

Feb 1st 2018

12 - 100

S: Never Forgetting Pain

There’s something on my mind

How do I express

I’m in pain but I don’t want it to go away

Part of me remembers

The days I used to drown in it

Now I’m not supposed to feel this way

But to me it’s necessary

Partly because can’t always see, clearly

Sometimes I miss the way I used to be

In reality, that’s not how I’d like to be

However, I got used to it you see

In this vision of mine I’m sided with the worst of me

It’s easier than fixing

And all and all, I’d like to see myself smiling all the time…

The fear in me takes over

How can I survive living this life if I don’t remember how bad it was then

In the end I probably shouldn’t be

Describing, the way I was in my worst

Cheerfully, shouldn’t I be at my best

Shouldn’t I be welcoming the good times?

Here we are, listening to, the pain that I’m letting soothe itself

Grasped tightly around my heart

When will it let go

Time will know

When I’m ready

There’s so much and I can say ‘I'm’ happy’ but

I’m not exactly prepared for this moment

Terrified, is how I feel

Why can’t you accept that smile, those eyes

Because even I, have that fear inside

Remember when you said you were invincible?

I do.

Although, today’s not the day,

I can’t exactly explain

There will be one day

-

Feb 22 2016

11 - 100

S: Forever

Although I'm moving forward a part of me still wants to see

The future we decided was 'possibly'

It hasn't been long since we spoke for the last

But I do know that what we have will never end

It's not about the love

It's about the pain

About our war

All the white flags we raised up with turmoil in our voice

What it's about is the frustration

The confusion, the care

About two humans who want humanity to prosper

Our 'love' was for each other then it changed to the world

But we never stopped understanding who we were

I faltered, I thought I failed you

When I pushed myself up I realized I didn't fail

I saved my world

I walked away, and as I did you said to me

Be careful, I'll always be here if you need me

And that's the hard part about turning my back on you

I'm trying to improve my version of love without your picture

But all I see in you is a human with faith

Someone who cares about others and won't negate

Although your faith is 'in the end'

And mine is now and never 'depends'

It still hurts knowing

That our version of 'love' is forever and never ending screams of caring blood

-

Written September 11th, 2015

10 - 100

S: Bittersweet

There's something about this whole ordeal

A bright light, an appeal

And here I am caught up in the middle

Many years have pained me

But now the days of being ‘sane’ isn't out of reach

The quality of my escape

A slow unravel, with sharp slips now and then

Unphased because of the end

There's a brightness that I'll keep up in my mind set

To ease the pain and remember the depths.

Of the bittersweet days of pain

-

November 27th, 2015

9 - 100

S: Chance

Tell me about the way we were before

Is there a way to become new

After all we've been through

How much more could we do

Together, it has been a while

Now our potential, we have to see through

It's fine if you don't want to

But at least I know

What we could be and what we are

There's so much that we could do

And it's okay if you don't want to

Hear me out though we can go so far

Potential, there is a chance

One that I would willingly take a stance

In attempting what we were before

Or we could even do something more

We could help each other love

As friends, there is a strength we could have

But I can't do this without you

So let me know when you think this through

--
Written on October 13th, 2015

8 - 100