S: Never Forgetting Pain

There’s something on my mind

How do I express

I’m in pain but I don’t want it to go away

Part of me remembers

The days I used to drown in it

Now I’m not supposed to feel this way

But to me it’s necessary

Partly because can’t always see, clearly

Sometimes I miss the way I used to be

In reality, that’s not how I’d like to be

However, I got used to it you see

In this vision of mine I’m sided with the worst of me

It’s easier than fixing

And all and all, I’d like to see myself smiling all the time…

The fear in me takes over

How can I survive living this life if I don’t remember how bad it was then

In the end I probably shouldn’t be

Describing, the way I was in my worst

Cheerfully, shouldn’t I be at my best

Shouldn’t I be welcoming the good times?

Here we are, listening to, the pain that I’m letting soothe itself

Grasped tightly around my heart

When will it let go

Time will know

When I’m ready

There’s so much and I can say ‘I'm’ happy’ but

I’m not exactly prepared for this moment

Terrified, is how I feel

Why can’t you accept that smile, those eyes

Because even I, have that fear inside

Remember when you said you were invincible?

I do.

Although, today’s not the day,

I can’t exactly explain

There will be one day

-

Feb 22 2016

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