B: Regaining Strength: Awaiting Resolution

What is it with your eyes?

It’s as if you haunt me

An unintentional possession through my dream

Simply a smile,

One we both know

An embrace, we've shared

Then turned away

Here I am, years later

Thinking of you, and yet

Admit, I have, because my heart told me

There was no need to not speak my mind

And yet you've known for years

Keeping your opinion to yourself

Putting a mask in front of others

Then seeing me and showing with no doubt

To me, I am symbol

One that you and others know

A heart spoken conversation

Always awaits me

In your own words you lie to yourself

Saying that it doesn’t matter

Knowing that it does

But hearing yourself say so for so long

Makes you think that ‘you know’.

If anything is clear

It’s that you know how I feel

Deep down no matter what we do

What connection we have, is real

A broad street to one another

It’s as if we both turn away

For years I turned down the path and now

I’m not here to say

Years from now we’ll face each other

And we’ll both know of our hidden motives

When the time comes, who will break down

Will I?

Or will you, first?

You ignore it, knowing that I will always be there

And I try to move past it, thinking one day I will

That doesn’t mean that our connection isn’t there

We feel ‘together’ and it hurts

Every mask you put on, you wonder

How do I do what I do

The honesty, the easiness

It confuses you

How can I be so honest with myself? With others?

And here, you look twice in the mirror on some days

Not that you’ll hear me, but at least you’ll know

The answer lies within myself

And a bad memory.

What’s the point in making up a story for me to live by

When I can write it without erasing?

Since it’s not a lie, I don’t have to remember

Because it is all I know

Want to know what else I know?

We will cross paths again

And this time, you’ll be the one stopping me

Wanting me to speak to you but speaking first

And I’ll listen, like I always do

Hopefully, that’ll be the day

That you’re honest with yourself

When you stop ignoring what’s there

You’ll apologize and I’ll stare.

My heart will flip

And then rage

Frustration

Aggravation

I’ll turn to you

And tell you,

That I’ve always known there was something

And I know that you know too

What I rather have happened

Would have been

An early resolution

But I know that time is not an enemy

Even if it may seem so

The day will come and it’ll be more revolutionary for you

And I’ll be able live without thinking twice about you. 

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Written on March 28th, 2018