B: Regaining Strength: Lost

When I think of you I can't help but feel that I'm not much
Though you love me, show me, adore me
My heart still aches thinking such

For in my eyes there's imperfection
Not that I want to be perfect
What I strive for ensures that I am strong
And yet my heart continues to ache

These tears I cry are because I know that the pain is real
I know that you'd tell me that you don't feel this way
Even then, it doesn't matter because this is the way I feel

How I feel is lower than less
To me, the world is better off without
This life of mine, no doubt.

Despite the love I know is there
Above all else, I come home to eyes that widen and think
"You're home!"

No matter what I do, my heart will return here
To the place containing all all my agony
A place that makes the last breath seem so pleasing

Aware, I am of love surrounding me
Through others, they feel the love I have for them
These don't stop me from lacking love for myself.

Depend, something I do on everyone else
They prove to me that I'm worth the next breath
Silent, are my tears
Another day has passed

At least,
I think that's what I'm supposed to hope. 

B: Opposing Umbrage: A Made Decision

An unborn conscious
Rest at peace
Not dead but alive is this piece
With moves strong
Does a developed interest seek
One drink? Only once? For me?
Has no one seen what affects their minds?
With their decisions, so divine?
--
Original
"A Mother" - Charles Lee Taylor
Written February 3rd/4th 2015 

20 - 100

B: Opposing Umbrage: No Power To The Nameless

Better tell the truth
Lies will expose
The worth of one's strange habits
Beholder speak! Say thy name
Or shall no 'good' last in vain?
Nor can purity flow through thy veins
'Truth teller' of seekers
Withhold no name

--

Original - Based on "A superior man" by Charles Lee Taylor 

Written February 5th, 2015

19 - 100

B: Regaining Strength: A Craving and Resistance

Stronger I become

The harder it is

To resist the urge to fall

No blood has splattered

Upon these wrist

Years it has been

And hasn’t been done

My heart pounds

It aches, yearning for me to make my mistake

Away, I turn from every blade

A sense of insecurity in the touch

Turning away, my back to face

Anything that may seem sharp

Despite the cleansing

The memory isn’t lost.

For now I stand above

What I used to be

Easier to let the feelings go numb

Yet here I stand, feeling weak

A poison I’ll never fully

Be cured of because

If I forget who I was

Then how will I know who I become?

Walk away

I hear myself say

A hand touches my side

I turn, the beholder is someone I love

A friend, a lover,

To my surprise a stranger

Anyone can smile and stop me from returning

To the path that I once thought

Was the only one.

-
Written 3.28.19

18 - 100

B: Regaining Strength: Awaiting Resolution

What is it with your eyes?

It’s as if you haunt me

An unintentional possession through my dream

Simply a smile,

One we both know

An embrace, we've shared

Then turned away

Here I am, years later

Thinking of you, and yet

Admit, I have, because my heart told me

There was no need to not speak my mind

And yet you've known for years

Keeping your opinion to yourself

Putting a mask in front of others

Then seeing me and showing with no doubt

To me, I am symbol

One that you and others know

A heart spoken conversation

Always awaits me

In your own words you lie to yourself

Saying that it doesn’t matter

Knowing that it does

But hearing yourself say so for so long

Makes you think that ‘you know’.

If anything is clear

It’s that you know how I feel

Deep down no matter what we do

What connection we have, is real

A broad street to one another

It’s as if we both turn away

For years I turned down the path and now

I’m not here to say

Years from now we’ll face each other

And we’ll both know of our hidden motives

When the time comes, who will break down

Will I?

Or will you, first?

You ignore it, knowing that I will always be there

And I try to move past it, thinking one day I will

That doesn’t mean that our connection isn’t there

We feel ‘together’ and it hurts

Every mask you put on, you wonder

How do I do what I do

The honesty, the easiness

It confuses you

How can I be so honest with myself? With others?

And here, you look twice in the mirror on some days

Not that you’ll hear me, but at least you’ll know

The answer lies within myself

And a bad memory.

What’s the point in making up a story for me to live by

When I can write it without erasing?

Since it’s not a lie, I don’t have to remember

Because it is all I know

Want to know what else I know?

We will cross paths again

And this time, you’ll be the one stopping me

Wanting me to speak to you but speaking first

And I’ll listen, like I always do

Hopefully, that’ll be the day

That you’re honest with yourself

When you stop ignoring what’s there

You’ll apologize and I’ll stare.

My heart will flip

And then rage

Frustration

Aggravation

I’ll turn to you

And tell you,

That I’ve always known there was something

And I know that you know too

What I rather have happened

Would have been

An early resolution

But I know that time is not an enemy

Even if it may seem so

The day will come and it’ll be more revolutionary for you

And I’ll be able live without thinking twice about you. 

-

Written on March 28th, 2018

 

B: Opposing Umbrage: Silent Gift

Weary may I not be 

To fall in the hands of work 

Worried, my friends shall see

A payable price, may the hours reap 

Healthy, not the exact word 

But a heart of caring I will learn 

Provided by the birth given 

By my mother, not taken 

A strength in silence, 

A strength in worlds 

Innocence is bliss 

Unless the voices are heard 

Quiet may one be 

But silence is strength 

A power of thee 

Unknown to existence 

Solid as a whole 

A gift given through perception 

This gift given through the soul 

--

Original Based on "A Dog's Life" - Charles Lee Taylor 

Written on February 5th, 2015

16 - 100

S: Sing, Dear

I don’t even

Consider

This time

What are we to do

There’s lighting in the sky

Yet we’re here

Right now

Smiling

Because we know how

To make fun

Out of boring

Are you boring?

I hope not

Sing to me

I know the rain is falling

But,

Sing to me,

Anyway!

I don’t care what genre

Give me something, anything

Listen here to Madonna

Three Days Grace, or Linkin Park

Play a tune

I’d love to hear your amazing voice

Sing to me here

Under the cloudy sky

I’ve heard of ACDC, Kid Cudi, Lil Wayne

Anything at this moment

I’d be okay

Because right now all I hear is thunder in the clouds

Sing to me

I know that the rain is falling. Although,

If you sing to me we could possibly fall in love

There’s the band called Westlife

I know it cause I’ve heard.

Epica and Nirvana, Boys Like Girls are bands too so I’ve heard.

Sing to me about the blues skies

Sing to me about anything

All I want is to hear you amazing voice

Sing to me

My dear. 

--

Written 12.23.2014 

15 -100

S: Dancing Stage

The thought never crossed my mind

That darkness was so close in time

With the distance, seemingly far

No pressure, left the door ajar

Now here is rage

Slowly taking

Away, the calm tide

Not that there wasn’t any difficulty

However, there were the blind

Oblivious to the world

It seem so peaceful before

And now presenting

Darkness at the center floor

Blindly taking any opportunity, to get away

Guidance, where have you been?

The path keep splitting and time seems to fade

What day is it?

Another month passing through the days

In the night, no true darkness shows its might

Only in pure daylight

With fear and anxiety to take at hand

Hold your breath, the feeling is similar to the ocean waves

Don’t take it all in, spread out the thoughts that cloud your mind

Otherwise, the darkness will devour what little clarity stands left in your bright light

-

Written 1.20.2016

14 - 100 

S: Restless

 There’s tension in my soul

 I feel it losing control

 And all I can do is ignore

 My heart it’s beating

 Not fast, not slow

 But I feel it tugging, keeping a hold

 Of what’s left

 Of this soul

 Questions arise

 For the depth of unknown

 And I don’t know what I’m supposed to do

 I close my eyes, thinking that I’ll grasp it for you

 Not only, are you in my life

 But now I’m slowly starting to realize that I

 Don’t want to lose you

 The old way that I was, picture it

 What I had been, better for it to fit

 My old habits, but this one is part of my personality

 Why can’t I loosen this tentious part of me?

 

 Listening to my own heart beat

 Hearing the music in the background

 My thoughts aren’t clear

 I need clarity

 When I close my eyes, I imagine

 Being connected, and now?

 I don’t feel a thing but I know it’s there

 And it makes me sad to think

 Future. Please define thee

 Surprise me sure, don’t kill me

 Everyone knows the ending

 And the beginning is simple

 But innocence

 Has gone to waste

 After all this time

 And in between are questions we seeks answers to

 Until then, the five w’s

 Swirl among my head

 I laid down today

 Needless to say- I didn’t like what my mind had to say

 Are you losing yourself?

 How long till then?

 Remember when?

 Are those tears I feel?

 How often?

 Who cares?

 What will you do?

 Where are you going?

 When will you do what you want to do, when will go where you want to go.

 Why anything?!

 I don’t know.

 It’s the murky waters of my soul

 I feel it slipping, away

 Rest in the peace of yesterday. 

- 

Written 12.4.15 

13 - 100

S: Your Worth

There will be days that I won’t have your touch

No matter, your love is deep within

Distance will grow only physically between us

Because there is nothing that will stop me from loving you

Don’t ever believe that I’ve forgotten

About the love that you’ve given to me

Somehow, we fell in love

It was a chance and one that was worth taking

As a choice we continue to love one another

Little act by little action we show each other

That our love is true, known by more than our eyes

Live without me, because I’ll always be there

Support is something I will not give up

Due to the love that holds us together, we will never break apart

Despite a lack of an official relationship

With or without terms, these matter none

For we live knowing of our love

Until we see each other again

Never allow anyone to get you to believe

In a falsification about me

Love, isn’t the only aspect that has kept us together

Trust, Admiration- So much more

So remember who will always love you outside of family

Deep down, if anyone tries to make you believe that you’re less

You’re not, because you’re worth more than two years to me  

-

Feb 1st 2018

12 - 100