Saturday, April 21, 2018

B: Regaining Strength: Lost

When I think of you I can't help but feel that I'm not much
Though you love me, show me, adore me
My heart still aches thinking such

For in my eyes there's imperfection
Not that I want to be perfect
What I strive for ensures that I am strong
And yet my heart continues to ache

These tears I cry are because I know that the pain is real
I know that you'd tell me that you don't feel this way
Even then, it doesn't matter because this is the way I feel

How I feel is lower than less
To me, the world is better off without
This life of mine, no doubt.

Despite the love I know is there
Above all else, I come home to eyes that widen and think
"You're home!"

No matter what I do, my heart will return here
To the place containing all all my agony
A place that makes the last breath seem so pleasing

Aware, I am of love surrounding me
Through others, they feel the love I have for them
These don't stop me from lacking love for myself.

Depend, something I do on everyone else
They prove to me that I'm worth the next breath
Silent, are my tears
Another day has passed

At least,
I think that's what I'm supposed to hope. 

Friday, April 20, 2018

B: Opposing Umbrage: A Made Decision

An unborn conscious
Rest at peace
Not dead but alive is this piece
With moves strong
Does a developed interest seek
One drink? Only once? For me?
Has no one seen what affects their minds?
With their decisions, so divine?
--
Original
"A Mother" - Charles Lee Taylor
Written February 3rd/4th 2015 

20 - 100

Thursday, April 19, 2018

B: Opposing Umbrage: No Power To The Nameless

Better tell the truth
Lies will expose
The worth of one's strange habits
Beholder speak! Say thy name
Or shall no 'good' last in vain?
Nor can purity flow through thy veins
'Truth teller' of seekers
Withhold no name
--
Original - Based on "A superior man" by Charles Lee Taylor 

Written February 5th, 2015

19 - 100

Wednesday, April 18, 2018

B: Regaining Strength: A Craving and Resistance

Stronger I become
The harder it is
To resist the urge to fall

No blood has splattered
Upon these wrist
Years it has been
And hasn’t been done

My heart pounds
It aches, yearning for me to make my mistake
Away, I turn from every blade
A sense of insecurity in the touch

Turning away, my back to face
Anything that may seem sharp
Despite the cleansing
The memory isn’t lost.

For now I stand above
What I used to be
Easier to let the feelings go numb
Yet here I stand, feeling weak

A poison I’ll never fully
Be cured of because
If I forget who I was
Then how will I know who I become?

Walk away
I hear myself say
A hand touches my side

I turn, the beholder is someone I love
A friend, a lover,
To my surprise a stranger

Anyone can smile and stop me from returning
To the path that I once thought
Was the only one.
-
Written 3.28.19

18 - 100

Tuesday, April 17, 2018

B: Regaining Strength: Awaiting Resolution

What is it with your eyes?
It’s as if you haunt me
An unintentional possession through my dream

Simply a smile,
One we both know
An embrace, we've shared
Then turned away

Here I am, years later
Thinking of you, and yet
Admit, I have, because my heart told me
There was no need to not speak my mind

And yet you've known for years
Keeping your opinion to yourself
Putting a mask in front of others
Then seeing me and showing with no doubt

To me, I am symbol
One that you and others know
A heart spoken conversation
Always awaits me

In your own words you lie to yourself
Saying that it doesn’t matter
Knowing that it does
But hearing yourself say so for so long
Makes you think that ‘you know’.

If anything is clear
It’s that you know how I feel
Deep down no matter what we do
What connection we have, is real

A broad street to one another
It’s as if we both turn away
For years I turned down the path and now
I’m not here to say

Years from now we’ll face each other
And we’ll both know of our hidden motives
When the time comes, who will break down
Will I?
Or will you, first?

You ignore it, knowing that I will always be there
And I try to move past it, thinking one day I will
That doesn’t mean that our connection isn’t there
We feel ‘together’ and it hurts

Every mask you put on, you wonder
How do I do what I do
The honesty, the easiness
It confuses you

How can I be so honest with myself? With others?
And here, you look twice in the mirror on some days
Not that you’ll hear me, but at least you’ll know

The answer lies within myself
And a bad memory.
What’s the point in making up a story for me to live by
When I can write it without erasing?

Since it’s not a lie, I don’t have to remember
Because it is all I know

Want to know what else I know?
We will cross paths again
And this time, you’ll be the one stopping me
Wanting me to speak to you but speaking first

And I’ll listen, like I always do
Hopefully, that’ll be the day
That you’re honest with yourself
When you stop ignoring what’s there
You’ll apologize and I’ll stare.

My heart will flip
And then rage
Frustration
Aggravation

I’ll turn to you
And tell you,
That I’ve always known there was something
And I know that you know too

What I rather have happened
Would have been
An early resolution

But I know that time is not an enemy
Even if it may seem so
The day will come and it’ll be more revolutionary for you
And I’ll be able live without thinking twice about you. 
-
Written on March 28th, 2018

 

Monday, April 16, 2018

B: Opposing Umbrage: Silent Gift

Weary may I not be 
To fall in the hands of work 
Worried, my friends shall see
A payable price, may the hours reap 
Healthy, not the exact word 
But a heart of caring I will learn 
Provided by the birth given 
By my mother, not taken 
A strength in silence, 
A strength in worlds 
Innocence is bliss 
Unless the voices are heard 
Quiet may one be 
But silence is strength 
A power of thee 
Unknown to existence 
Solid as a whole 
A gift given through perception 
This gift given through the soul 
--
Original Based on "A Dog's Life" - Charles Lee Taylor 

Written on February 5th, 2015

16 - 100

Sunday, April 15, 2018

S: Sing, Dear

I don’t even
Consider
This time
What are we to do
There’s lighting in the sky
Yet we’re here
Right now
Smiling
Because we know how
To make fun
Out of boring
Are you boring?
I hope not
Sing to me
I know the rain is falling
But,
Sing to me,
Anyway!
I don’t care what genre
Give me something, anything
Listen here to Madonna
Three Days Grace, or Linkin Park
Play a tune
I’d love to hear your amazing voice
Sing to me here
Under the cloudy sky
I’ve heard of ACDC, Kid Cudi, Lil Wayne
Anything at this moment
I’d be okay
Because right now all I hear is thunder in the clouds
Sing to me
I know that the rain is falling. Although,
If you sing to me we could possibly fall in love
There’s the band called Westlife
I know it cause I’ve heard.
Epica and Nirvana, Boys Like Girls are bands too so I’ve heard.
Sing to me about the blues skies
Sing to me about anything
All I want is to hear you amazing voice
Sing to me
My dear. 
--
Written 12.23.2014 

15 -100